Our visitor the Gecko

This is so gross that it deserves a little section all to itself!! (Seriously - if you let your kids read this and they have nightmares i am accepting no responsibility!!)

When Chris got up last weekend he went into the kitchen to make a coffee and called me through to announce that we had a visitor - there was a Gecko in our sink. (I initially thought it was one of the rubber ones and that he was playing a joke on me.....till it moved). We have no idea how it got there but it was not looking too great (Very pale, pink and a bit slimy).

Normally i don't have a problem with Gecko's but this one was looking a bit weird so i bravely delegated the problem of getting rid of it to Chris and beat a hasty retreat to the living room. I then heard a noise that sounded something like 'eeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuu' coming from the kitchen (It was Chris not the Gecko). It turned out that he had decided to pick it up by the tail.....which promptly came off in his hand.......when he dropped the tail back into the sink it continued to flap around of its own accord. The Gecko was fine (The tail's grow back - don't worry) and was put out onto the balcony but Chris then had to pick up the still flapping tail and put it in the bin. His comment was 'I'm probably going to have nightmares about this!!'

(I have now discovered that it was a Leopard Gecko and that it was supposed to look like that)

Our First Dinner Party

If i ever write saying that i am having people over for dinner (We had invited Jenny, David and their kids Robin and Hattie over to say thanks for all the help they have given us) and that Moon is going to be away please please write me an e-mail or post a comment saying 'DONT DO IT'!! It took me two days to cook all the food and a day to clear up!! First i had to track down my cooking implements (I have now discovered that Moon not only puts things in places you don't expect but waits till you have got used to them being there and then puts them somewhere else!! I'm starting to think that perhaps she has an evil streak.....), then i discovered that i have only one tray for the cooker (Which you would think would be easy to rectify.....ha....i laugh at your optimism!!) so i had to make desert twice (There were six of us and the tray only held enough for three (Which is why i have never realised we only had one)) and for some reason unknown to man we can't buy a grill tray for love nor money so i had to improvise and use a metal tray for cooling cakes to cook the kebabs on (Chris went out and left me to it....a good move on his part!!). I know i have an easy life and have no right to complain but this was in a kitchen that has no air conditioning (It was 35 degrees people....and that was before i put the oven on) and has no dish washer!! Anyway, the dinner went really well....i didn't spontaneously combust (although i came close a couple of times), I didn't burn anything and nobody died!! We had a great evening - there was lots of laughter, lots of wine was consumed and we had a lot of fun playing Buzz even if Robin and Chris wiped the floor with the rest of us!!

Opera

It is always the same - anytime Chris and I have actually planned to go somewhere in the middle of the week something comes up and Chris has to work late (Hmmm.....i wonder if he is trying to tell me something......Naaa.....he was even late for a wine tasting!!). We had booked tickets to go and see Madame Butterfly at the Sheraton Hotel - fortunately for me my friend Elyssa agreed to be my hot date for the evening.



We had a lovely time. The ticket price (2,200 baht which is about £30) included a three course meal in their posh Italian restaurant, Rossini, (Elyssa and I agreed that the chocolate desert was definitely worth the calories!!) and we were given a complimentary glass of wine as well as a coffee - not bad eh!!

The actual show took place in their ballroom - we were right in the middle of the second row from the front so had a great view of the stage. The only problem was that the woman playing the part of Butterfly, who had an absolutely superb voice, looked like the love child of Angela Lansbury and Nathan Lane (when he was in drag - think Birdcage for those of you who have seen it....and for those of you that haven't here's a picture so you get the idea). The white make-up required for the first act did nothing for her and since she was supposed to be playing the part of a 15 year old Japanese girl it really stretched the imagination!! (Elyssa reckoned that if you squinted and maybe if the lights were very low......). She did look a hell of a lot better in the second act once the white make-up had come off and she didn't look 90 anymore (she was actually quite pretty.....ok, still didn't look 15 but it wasn't such a stretch). We both really enjoyed it - she gave a fantastic rendition of the famous 'Un Bel Di Vedremo' for those of you that don't know it you can hear it (and see video clips from various performers) at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaPeEeU6WbU&mode=related&search.

I was very proud of myself - got a bit watery about the gills at the end but didn't humiliate myself by crying.

What have we been up too well, we have been here, there and everywhere since I last wrote. OK, maybe not everywhere but we have actually left Bangkok……twice.

Moon told us that there was a Thai festival at the beginning of November and invited us to go and stay with her sister in Pattaya and to take part in the festival.

(Now for the cultural bit)
The festival is called Loy Krathong – krathongs are small floats made from a slice of the trunk of a banana tree and decorated with folded banana leaves, flowers, incense sticks and candles. By the light of the full moon the candles and incense are lit and the krathongs are set adrift on the rivers and khlongs (canals) to honour the water Goddess and wash away the previous year’s sins – it is also believed that if you make a wish as you float your krathong then it will come true. (It looks absolutely spectacular – watching the little floating lights going off into the night was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen).

We got the bus from Bangkok to Pattaya with Moon and her Aunt Naparon (I may have mentioned once or twice that the Thai’s do like their big gold Buddha’s…..well on the road to Pattaya is a shop (I say shop – it is more like a huge bit of land) which sells big gold Buddha’s – and I mean BIG gold Buddha’s so for those of you planning to visit and that have the urge to buy a 10ft gold Buddha I can now point you in the right direction!!). Moon’s sister, Dow, lives just outside Pattaya in a beautiful big house (She is going out with a Dutchman called Robert) and makes Moon look tall. (I’m not convinced she even came up to Chris’s waist which caused much hilarity).

We went swimming in the sea, had the best seafood I have ever tasted, met the campest man I have ever seen, visited a National Park (Lions and Tigers and Bears….Oh My – well we did see a tiger), went on an Elephant ride (Chris was bemused when my guide tried to chat me up – he actually pointed out which hut was his – Ahhh!!) and attended a rock concert on the beach. There was only one negative – Dow only seemed to own one CD…..which she played ALL weekend (and sang along to)…..it was a compilation of Country and Western songs (aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggg) – Chris thought the worst one was ‘Acky Breaky Heart’ but I thought it was ‘Love Me Love My Dog’ which was so bloody repetitive that three weeks later we can both still sing the chorus – I think it may haunt us forever!!

Phimai, Phanom Rung and Prasart Muang Tham

The following weekend we went on a bus tour to Northern Thailand to look at the history of Khmer art with the National Museum Volunteers. (More culture – god we’re good). Despite our initial reservations (The first place we visited was laughingly called a quarry – it was a big rock with grooves cut out of it and the second ‘temple’, and I use the phrase loosely, was just a big lump of rocks) it was absolutely fantastic. We arrived in Phimai (Home of the Siamese Cat fact fans) on Saturday evening in time to attend their annual sound and light show which takes place in an Historical Park in front of a spectacular khmer temple.(http://www.istc.org/sisp/index.htm?fx=event&event_id=20342).

They re-enacted the birth of the universe, had choreographed thai boxing and then released about 100 Thai Balloons (They are called Khoom Fay which means Fire Lanterns and are made from thin tissue paper and bamboo – you light a paper wick which has been soaked in lamp oil and that provides the hot air needed to make them rise gracefully into the sky) at regular intervals to form a chain of lights which looked amazing. It was also helped along by the fact that the lovely woman, Suzy, who had arranged the tickets had also brought along some wine (Yes, we got on famously – actually it turned out that she had got married in Park Circus Registry Office in the same room as we did about 4 months after we did – how weird is that!! (She was Australian and he had only lived in Scotland till he was 2)). On the Sunday we visited a temple at Phanom Rung which, we were reliably informed was what Angkor Watt was based on, and it was beautiful – not so sure about the stairs we had to climb to get

to it but it was worth it when we got there.

Chris has been working amazingly hard and is keeping me entertained with ‘Tales from the office’ my favourite is the fact that the Thai woman make their way to the office in their high heels then change into their slippers when they get there. Completely the opposite to what we would do in the UK – Chris says that it is very difficult to take someone seriously when they are wearing bunny slippers (I can imagine). The other thing that makes me chuckle is the fact that his colleagues put coats on when they get into the office as they find the air conditioning too cold – Amit, who is from Bombay, has even been known to put on his beanie hat!!! I think he is still enjoying work despite the fact that he is working all the hours god sends!!

It’s Moon’s daughters 10th birthday this week and, since it takes over 6 hours by bus to visit, she doesn’t get to see her children very often which she finds really hard especially when it comes up to birthdays. (We’ve given her 4 days off so that she can spend some time with her family - she is not going to tell her daughter and is going to surprise her by being there on her birthday when she wakes up). She had been feeling a bit low (till I insisted that she take the holiday) and had mentioned that she loves curly hair ‘same same you Madam’ she informed me (She is a strange girl!!) so I ended up getting my curlers out and doing her hair, then I did her make up and took her out for a drink (making sure she had lots of water so she didn’t end up too Maw Maw). We actually had really good fun and I think it did her the power of good.

Plonchit Fair
Chris and I also attended a fair (Plonchit fair) which is for charity – I was helping out at the BWG cake stall and was forced into wearing a union jack waistcoat (Chris pointed, laughed and took a picture on his mobile). We had a great day – we sat in the beer tent section of the fair and watched the various acts that they had provided for the entertainment. There were some very bendy children making human pyramids and at one point two men and a woman came on stage wearing kilts and proceeded to play Scotland the Brave (This prompted the comments – ‘This is really weird’ and ‘God they must be hot!!’)

Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the latest update

Well, the 'small green' was really tasty even if I had no idea what the hell it was. Moon told me that she was seeing her sister over that weekend and that she would ask what the name was in English - she came back on Monday and said something which sounded completely bizarre (Actually it sounded something like 'amberguinesssmall') and then looked at me expectantly. After about three attempts at communicating this mystifying phrase I finally worked out that she thought she was speaking English and that she expected me to understand what it was she was saying. (Sometimes in a fit of optimism, or exasperation, she says something in Thai which she thinks I may understand - that is why I didn't immediately work out that she was trying to say something in English). I want to add here that I didn't even know that what she was trying to say corresponded to the 'small green' since we had eaten them and she had nothing to point at - it wasn't till she mimed eating that I worked out that she was attempting to tell me what they were. (It was first thing on a Monday morning and I am not at my brightest and best in the morning as you know). Anyway she moved from 'amberguinesssmall' to 'eggypantsmall' which is when I worked out what they are. They are.........wait for it..........baby aubergines. No, they don't look like aubergines (As you can see I found a picture) and no they don't taste like aubergines but apparently that that is what they are (Incase you are wondering 'eggypantsmall' turned out to be small eggplant which is American for aubergine - Phew!!!!)

Our stuff arrived last Tuesday (Halleluiah) we now have glasses, cups and everything. Actually there were 67 boxes and I thought poor Moon was about to have a heart attack as her lovely clean, neat kitchen turned into a bomb site. When we were unpacking I seriously thought I might have to kill her - I was putting things in cupboards and she was taking them out and putting them in other cupboards. For example (ohh....you just know I am about to rant) I put the coffee in the cupboard next to the coffee machine (one of my rare sensible moments) and she took it out and put it in a cupboard at the other end of the kitchen - miles away (Ok I might be exaggerating slightly here) from the coffee machine. I then spent ages trying to explain why having wooden spoons next to the cooker was better than having them in a drawer in the dining room and that having the spice rack on the work top is a lot easier than having it on the top shelf of a cupboard that we both need steps to reach (No I don't know why she wanted to put it there - she uses the spices as well - it is a mystery). Anyway, we got there in the end - which really means that the coffee is next to the coffee machine, the spoons are next to the cooker, the spices are on the work top and I can't find anything else in my bloody kitchen :-).

Whilst Moon and I were fighting about where things should go in the kitchen it had started to rain - and I mean rain. I was supposed to be going to a wine tasting that evening and it wasn't till I got a call from my friend that I looked out the window and discovered that what used to be the street below was now a small river (You know it's bad when even the call of wine is not enough to entice me out the apartment). I phoned Chris and warned him that our soi was flooded - the conversation went something like this 'Well, how deep is it?' 'I don't know I’m inside the apartment' (He really does ask daft questions sometimes) 'Well can you go and look’. I dutifully toddled outside to the balcony and watched a few people wade up the soi - went back in and called him. 'It looks like it's about mid calf' 'What do you mean it looks like about mid calf? Did you go down to the Soi and have a look?' 'No.....it's raining. I looked from the balcony and watched people wade along the Soi' 'Well, get your butt downstairs and look at the Soi'. I went outside.....looked at the Soi.....watched people wade up the Soi - called him back and said 'It looks like it's about mid calf'. (What did he want from me!!) He turned up about 40 minutes later with his suit trousers rolled up to his knees wearing a pair of blue plastic flip flops that were about three sizes too small for him (Moon and I supportively burst out laughing).

Then there was the power cut. I was out at (Please don't laugh) belly dancing (Yes, I do know that you now have a wobbling image of me that you never really wanted) and was on my way home when there was yet another almighty storm only this one was an all singing all dancing thunder and lightning storm (Sheet and Forked) and it looked like it was right above our apartment building. Actually it was right above our apartment building and when I got to the lift I discovered that there was no power. I had to walk up eight flights of stairs to an apartment with no air conditioning and no cold water so I was back to the attractive red and sweaty look (I'm hoping it will catch on but am not going to hold my breath). Chris was lucky that by the time he got home the power had been restored but we've had problems with our internet connection ever since (hence the reason that I have not written for a while).

We have also managed to get our maid drunk (I am sure there are probably laws against that). I decided to cook a meal for Chris's Birthday and made a lamb tangine followed by pavlova (Moon had never even seen meringue before and was convinced it was the same as ice-cream till it went into the oven) - She had said that she liked Farang food and decided that she would just have what we were having. I had got a nice bottle of wine to go with the meal so when I poured the wine I asked her if she wanted some. She had a tiny splash in the bottom of a glass (It really was a tiny splash - not even quarter of a glass) but when I went back into the kitchen to get the pavlova she was completely hammered!! She was staggering about the kitchen grinning from ear to ear whilst telling me that Farang wine was not the same as Thai wine. She was so funny - all we could hear was her giggling from the kitchen and every time I went in to make sure she was ok she gave me a big cuddle and told me that she was 'Maw maw' which is Thai for drunk. We ended up giving her two bottles of water and packing her off to bed - we could hear her giggling all the way to her room. She said to me the next day that she couldn't wait to tell her sister that she had tried 'Madam's wine' and it had made her 'Maw maw'.

Anyway, that is the latest update from sunny (well, sometimes rainy) Bangkok

Green Tupperware

Things are going well here - we have now had Moon for a week and a half and in typical Thai style it is a huge learning experience. She was supposed to start last Monday at 2pm but there was a slight communication breakdown and she arrived at 8.30am - i had no food in the house, no cleaning stuff....nothing.... and i was going out at 9. (I think she was a bit shocked - she kept opening cupboards in the kitchen then looking at me strangely). I managed to communicate to her that our stuff had not arrived yet and was on it's way in a boat (using a very stylish combination of miming and drawing - I am telling you ..... after living in this country i am going to be a champion at both Pictionary and Give us a Clue - You have been warned). Anyway, we went shopping when i got back and i discovered that Thais not only love Tupperware but Tupperware in numerous pastel shades and if it has cartoon characters on it that's even better (I managed to steer her away from a green set with what i can only describe as a cat drawn by someone who was either on drugs or blind!! - Can you imagine any kind of food looking appetizing in green Tupperware?? I rest my case!!)

Food shopping has been a little adventure as well. Thais don't push their shopping trolleys round the aisles and put their shopping in them - Oh No - they abandon their trolleys in the most bloody awkward places then carry the shopping in their arms back to it (No i have not worked out why they do this so don't ask me!!). I couldn't get used to it at all so when Moon wondered off i followed behind her with the trolley - the first time i did it she turned round and got a fright (She didn't expect me and the trolley to be there) after that she took it off me, left it somewhere awkward and then wondered off again. AAARRRRGGGG!!!!
She then put food in the trolley which i just looked at and thought 'what the hell is that???' It was helpfully labeled "Small Green".....Yes, i can see that it is small and green (The label was incredibly helpful at pointing this out) but a small green what exactly??? When i asked Moon she said something in Thai and then said 'You eat' so i shrugged and said OK - she is cooking with it tonight so i will keep you posted......

I'm in shape. Round is a shape!!
She has also put me on a diet - after telling me i have a beautiful face but not a beautiful body!! (I am trying not to get a complex!!). She is buying low fat everything and every time i eat fruit she pats me on the stomach and smiles. (She is lovely.....honest). We bought paint for her room last week and then on Friday the two of us painted it - i don't think i have ever been so hot in my life (Yes...you guessed it....bright red face and bad hair.....i was looking lovely) but it was worth it to see the look on her face at the end. She stood back, looked at the room, beamed from ear to ear then gave me a huge hug. (She even arrived on her day off to give me a huge basket full of flowers that she had arranged as a way of saying thank you).

Things with Chris's project are going well too - although i think he is also finding the way Thais do things a bit bizarre. Apparently in meetings they have a habit of just getting up and walking out, going off on complete tangents and talking to each other in Thai then announcing that they don't understand but without saying what it is they don't actually understand. This is a very funny country.

I have been keeping busy (Moon is teaching me Thai and I am teaching her English - she now says some words with a beautiful Scottish accent which is have to say sounds really funny :-)). I have joined the BWG (I thought i might look better just writing the initials but i suppose i have to tell you that it stands for British Women's Group - don't laugh) I am using it as a way to meet new people coming into the country. I have joined a community choir and am singing at the British Chamber of Commerce's Last night of the Proms (I have just found out that i need to sing the King's anthem in Thai) and i am doing some voluntary work for the Museum of Bangkok. I went to a lecture there about the history of Buddhism and it was delivered by a female Monk (There are only 6 in the world) apparently she used to be a lecturer on women's studies at the university and had three sons before she decided to become a Monk. She now runs her own temple just outside Bangkok and is causing a fair amount of controversy. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/1814195.stm

Anyway, i have rambled on enough

We moved into the apartment last Friday (When i say we i mean me - Chris had to go out of Bangkok for a meeting so it was down to me and a very sympathetic taxi driver who i had hired for the morning). Actually the driver was great, apart from when he decided to drive down the wrong side of the road cause he was fed up with the traffic, he loaded everything into the car and even brought the really heavy cases up to the apartment. All in all our removal cost us 600 baht which is about £8.60 - not bad eh!!

It's Raining Indoors!!

The down side about moving into the apartment is that we have bugger all until our stuff turns up. We decided that we would head to Suan Lum Night Bazaar, which is only 3 stops away on the underground, to try and get some bedding, crockery, cutlery etc - boy was that a new and interesting experience - i have never been rained on whilst being indoors before!! It was chucking it down outside and i have no idea what was covering the stalls but as we were going down these narrow little aisles trying to find household stuff there was a slight drizzle and then a downpour - inside the market!! Stall owners were covering their goods with tarpaulin and putting boards at the front of their stalls to stop the water getting in so this must happen on a fairly regular basis - we ended up rolling up our jeans and wading through the market - the water was more than ankle deep!! We eventually found a stall which sold really nice cutlery, had a conversation with the lovely stall holder, chose our cutlery, paid for it then discovered that she didn't actually have any cutlery there and that we would have to come back the next night to collect it. Have you ever heard of something so weird - yes we sell cutlery but no you can't have it just now!! (Now i know why everyone i meet here says 'Only in Thailand' with a slight shrug of their shoulders)

The Coup

And then there was the coup (God life is just sooo exciting). We had just finished watching the end of a really crappy film, Chris had gone to the loo (I know - too much information - but i didn't think you would mind :-)), and i was flicking channels when i came across the headline "Tanks in Central Bangkok" (What the ???). We sat glued to the news (till they turned off all international news channels) then went online to try and figure out what the hell was going on. (Actually wednesday was one of the most relaxing days we've had - it was declared a Bank Holiday so Chris got the day off work). Having spoken to a number of people here the feeling is that Thailand was a democracy in name only - Thaksin was so corrupt and all powerful that there was no real democracy. The main reasons behind the coup seem to have been to get rid of Thaksin and to re-write the constitution to ensure that no premier can be that powerful again. We have seen soldiers with guns standing at one of the main junctions near where we are but, to be honest - they just look hot and bored!! Life had pretty much got back to normal by Thursday.

Moon

Oh, we've got a maid!! She's 29 (has been a maid since she was 11 - can you imagine), married and has two children, a boy whose 5 and a girl whose 10, who live with her family in the country so she is here in Bangkok to earn money to support them. I met her through a lovely woman here called Lisa whose maid, Mai, is Moon's sister (Yes, our maid is called Moon).

Moon's english is not great but she has a lovely personality - i took an immediate liking to her. At the moment she is sharing a room with her sister at Lisa's place so she is going to live in - Our maids room is not actually in the apartment but along a corridor and up some stairs - it also has a balcony (which i have been told is a hell of a lot better than most). It's weird - I feel bad about her living in that little room but she thought it was great (we are going to get her a TV and take her shopping so that she can choose her own stuff - at least that way it will feel more homely). Chris met her yesterday morning and we agreed that she would start on Monday. Lisa called me last night to say that in the three years she has known Moon she has never heard her sing but that yesterday afternoon she was singling like a lark and then told her that she was really happy about starting work with us.

This country is bonkers!!